Be Yourself by Joyce Meyers

This clip touched my heart today and highlighted the need for all of us to be content with self

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Lessons in modern feminism

Flawless: 5 Lessons in Modern Feminism From Beyoncé

Rock in Rio 2013

With her new album, Beyoncé has become the embodiment of modern feminism for a generation that has been reluctant to claim the word. Forget the angry cries of sexism. Millennials have grown up admiring a woman who says she’s “Crazy in Love” with one of the most powerful men in music and expresses her desire to please him while still projecting a fierce, independent persona.

Why should my generation adopt the traditional “a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” version of feminism? Even as modern day pundits like Hanna Rosin, Maureen Dowd and Sheryl Sandberg have picked up the baton, speculating about the “end of men” and the perils of letting your career be derailed by family, Beyoncé has managed to become the biggest female pop star in the world while cultivating her marriage, her role as a mother, and her sexuality. And in doing so, she’s ushering in a new wave of feminism.

In fact, Beyoncé is one of the few superstars who’s actually claimed the scary title of “feminist.” Nonetheless, she hasn’t always had the feminists on her side. Their biggest critique of the pop icon’s work before this album was that she sang about men…almost exclusively — from “Love on Top” to “Halo.” Let’s be honest, even the girl anthem songs about breakups made our eyes roll: it was hard to dance along to “Irreplaceable” or “Single Ladies” without remembering that Jay Z had “put a ring on it.” And it didn’t help that the name of her latest tour was “Mrs. Carter.”

But she does something new on Beyoncé — a collection of music and videos which has already broken an iTunes record by selling 823,773 copies in its first three days. Men and love are a focus, but she makes sure to let us know that those songs are also about empowerment: there’s even a spoken word passage in “Flawless” from a Nigerian feminist that calls for young girls to “lean in” and be more than someone’s wife. She sings about love and sex more boldly than ever, peppering those songs with messages about independence and motherhood. And we’re eating it up.

Maybe the reason my millennial generation feels so entitled is partially because Beyoncé told us we could be. We can have it all. But don’t take my word for it. Look at the lyrics of Beyoncé. There are feminist lessons for every woman entwined among the usual addictive musical riffs.

1.“Pretty Hurts” — Obsessing about your looks is destructive.

Pretty hurts
Shine the light on whatever’s worse
Perfection is the disease of a nation
…It’s the soul that needs surgery

Okay, yes, you have to get past the fact that this is being sung by one of the most beautiful women on the planet. But after Britney Spears’ “Work B****” from earlier this year — which told women they had to look hot to get what they wanted — it’s comforting to know that the problem is with society, not with us. Even perfect Beyoncé, who tried to clear the Internet of unflattering photos of herself after her Super Bowl performance and who has openly spoken about struggling with body image issues, feels the pressure of unfair expectations.

2. “Blow” — Sexual pleasure should be a two way street.

Keep me coming…Keep me humming, keep me moaning…
Don’t stop loving ‘til the morning…
Can you lick my skittles?
That’s the sweetest in the middle
Pink that’s the flavor
Solve the riddle…
I can’t wait til I get home so you can turn that cherry out

We hear a lot about oral sex in rap songs (“She lick me like a lollipop,” anyone?). But when’s the last time you heard a song about a woman being on the receiving side? Women of the world, Beyoncé is telling you to get yours too.

3. Partition” — It’s important to please your man (yep, that’s feminist).

Driver roll up the partition please
I don’t need you seeing ’yoncé on her knees
Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up
We ain’t even gonna make it to this club…
Oh he so horny, yeah he want to f***
He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinsky-ed all on my gown…
Take all of me
I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like

“I just wanna be the girl you like” isn’t the most feminist message — especially compared to the rest of the album. It’s not a give and take like “Blow.” It’s simple submission. How do you reconcile being a proud, independent woman and wanting to be desirable and please to your man?

But wait! Beyoncé has an explanation. You might have missed it because it’s in French, but it’s there.

Est-ce que tu aimes le sexe? Le sexe, je veux dire l’activité physique, le coit, tu aimes ça? Tu ne t’intéresses pas a sexe? Les hommes pensent que les féministes détestent le sexe mais c’est une activité très stimulante et naturelle que les femmes adorent

The translation, thanks to one of my French-speaking co-workers:

Do you like sex? Sex, I mean the physical activity, coitus, do you like it? You’re not interested in sex? Men think that feminists hate sex, but it’s a very stimulating and natural activity that women love.

The Dude fans might recognize this as Julianne Moore’s monologue in The Big Lebowski. The message: feminists like sex too. So brush up on your French, haters.

4. Mine” — Motherhood and relationships aren’t easy — even for Beyoncé.

I’ve been watching for the signs
Took a trip to clear my mind…
Been having conversations about breakups and separations
I’m not feeling like myself since the baby
Are we even gonna make it?
Cause if we are, we’re taking this a little too far…
All that I can think of is, we should get married
We should get married
Let’s stop holding back on this and let’s get carried away

Beyoncé doesn’t reveal too much about her relationship with Jay Z. She has sung before about breakups and possible infidelity (“Irreplaceable” in 2006, “Jealous” in this album), but who knows about whether that’s about Jay Z or a past boyfriend or nobody at all? What we can take away is that it’s okay to want to get married as a feminist. And, perhaps more importantly, it’s okay to have problems with and doubts about your love life. Plus, unlike so many feminist icons, she admits that you can’t just pick up your life as usual after having a child.

5.“Flawless” — Be more than someone’s wife.

I took some time to live my life
But don’t think I’m just his little wife
Don’t get it twisted, get it twisted
This my shit, bow down b*****s

The message is pretty clear. But then there’s the interlude by Nigerian-born writer and feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. The song excerpts the author’s TED Talk on feminism:

We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller
We say to girls: “You can have ambition, but not too much
You should aim to be successful, but not too successful
Otherwise, you will threaten the man.”
Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage
I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is most important
Now, marriage can be a source of joy and low and mutual support
But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?
We raise girls to see each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing
But for the attention of men
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way boys are
Feminist: a person who believes in the social,
Political, and economic equality of the sexes

Those feminist words can seem at odds with Beyoncé’s videos. Are we supposed to have a problem with the fact that Beyoncé is advocating that our society stop thinking of women as wives and sex objects as she grinds up on her husband in a leotard? I think we are. I think she wants us to think about how much of what she does is empowerment and how much is driven by the norms of popular culture. And, again, she wants us to think that you can be both sexy and a feminist. (Feminists like sex too, remember?)

Maybe I’m giving her too much credit, and it’s just hypocritical when she sarcastically sings, “I just woke up like this” with her perfectly manicured outfit and makeup. But Beyoncé’s resume is so full, that being married to Jay Z probably wouldn’t even make the cut. And after a year of Miley Cyrus’ tongue-wagging and naked “Blurred Lines” backup dancers, it’s sure nice to have a pop star return who wants to be a role model.


What captured  me about thus article is why society  teaches  young girls to aspire to marriage and same does  not apply to young boys.\

As a self proclaimed  feminist I believe that should have equal standards for both  males and females

Signed  Modish ebony startlet 🙂

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When I became a man!

When I became a man >>> by Phil Allen

I  put away childish things

I learnt  to  cry _ cause I’m not afraid of  my fears

I  learnt  how to  love her _ I couldn’t love  her  before  because of  my insecurities 

I learnt to love my brother _ I learnt to share my  heart and  hug 

Before I became a man I was much shorter not just in height but in spiritual insight

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The Right One

First, we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one.

“What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third? You ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).

The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.

Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.

Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.

Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.

But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family – the family of God?

You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues.

You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time.

Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.

Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). Note -who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of
time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.

At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy!

Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.

Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate
chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.
You need only one man – your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me; the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found.
Again WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs
to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that
might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot; check out the rest of the body!
5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son
continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.

Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?

This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.
This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.

If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able
to survive.

So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the
example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.

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The purpose vs meaning of life

The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The meaning of life is to give your gift away. –David Viscott

“What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it – would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have. – Ralph Marston

This morning  I’m inspired and encouraged by this quote _ and thus  I  aim to actively pursue to discover my  gift and  life’s  meaning.  Plus in order to attract  more of the blessings that life has to offer , I WILL appreciate what I have already been blessed with

Today I choose  to attract  more of the  blessings life has to offer me _ I choose LIFE

signed Modishebonystarlet *:)*

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“A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life”

“A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl.” – Stephan Hoelle
Loving this  quote  if  only we could all understand that during this month of  LOVE that  sometimes in life we have to go through hardships, challenges and tears to become beautiful  pearls …. signed Modish_ Ebony_Starlet *:)*
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We deserve better than resolutions, we deserve an open mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity

“As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don’t deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity.”
 Pema Chödrö


I’m glad yall are  alive and well and  back  from your  various  holiday  destination.

Hope  you  all  had a good  break I did  too , I  didn’t  go away  and stayed in JHB for the  first time ever. Normally I  go  home to the Eastern  Cape this year  my parents agreed to  come up . I must admit staying in land wasn’t  as bad as I had  thought  it always  would  be. I actually had loads of  fun and enjoyed  myself_  guess  I was surrounded by good company.

This being  my  first  blog  for the year – I mull over  what the quote states . And this year 2013 I agree that  I deserve  better than just resolutions. And prefer to seek an open mind that I can relax with uncertainty and inconclusiveness.

In 2013 I leave everyday as it comes not worrying about yesterday  or tomorrow,  but rather focus  on the now.

I have a feeling 2013 is going to be a  great  year!

Signed Modishebonystarlet 🙂

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